'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through your house
Not a creature was stirring, except for your mouse;
RING doorbells were hung by the front door with care,
In hopes that St. Bezos can see who is there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions from TikTok danced in their heads;
Mamma and me on the couch sitting still,
Had just settled down with Netflix to chill,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I checked my App to see what was the matter?
I logged into Windows, I typed like a flash,
Only to curse when my laptop did crash;
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Instagram, Facebook and eight engineers,
With a creepy young leader, a bit of a schmuck,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Zuck.
More rapid than 5G his comrades they came,
As he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
INSTAGRAM!, YOUTUBE! and META! are free!
On GOOGLE!, on NETFLIX!, he shouted with glee!
Top all the searches is really the key!
To make endless data and money for me!
The mountains of data they started to grow,
Surveillance Capitalism soon did take hold,
Summoned to Congress, the coders they flew,
With dozens of lawyers, St. Zuckerberg too.
And then an alert, I received via Twitter
A Q-Anon re-Tweet that gave me a jitter.
As I clicked on reply and started to type,
St. Dorsey decided to give up the fight,
He sported a beard from his head to his foot,
His clothes were all wrinkled and made out of jute;
Dreaming of crypto, a new life for Jack,
He looked like a peddler, a cheap DeFi hack.
His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His new name for Square was soon to be Block,
With billions to make on his nifty new stock;
A speaker from Google he held in his hand,
A virtual friendship, well isn’t that grand?
You chat with Alexa and also with Siri,
Platform agnostic? Well that would be silly!
Big Tech grows larger, they can’t help themselves,
We give them more data, we just screw ourselves;
Download an App and click ‘I Agree’,
Instant convenience that’s not really free;
Zuck spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
Stole all of our data, then turned like a jerk,
Smiling, his middle finger started to rise,
“You clicked, I agree, so don’t be surprised”;
He sprang in his Gulfstream, his team gave a whistle,
Away they all flew as fast as a missile.
I heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight,
THANKS FOR YOUR DATA WITH NARY A FIGHT!
Happy Holidays!